In the “Toys We All Want But Are Unwilling To Do Any Of The Work Required To Build Them Ourselves” department, this from-scratch flying model of the Enterprise D* has been flying around youtube for the last year:
The whole design is pretty well-conceived, from the saucer-section ailerons to the tricked out LED lighting scheme. It’s just a shame that the thing flies like a goldfish darting for food flakes. I’ mean, I’m not trying to take anything away from this guy’s achievement – that he took a preconceived artistic concept and brought it into the real world completely true to form, and figured out how to get it to fly at all is pretty damn impressive. I’m just saying… a little more thrust, and maybe some lead shot in the nose might do some good. And I don’t mean that somebody should shoot this thing down with a shotgun. Do not infer that at all from what I’m saying.
* – three-time winner of the ‘Sexiest version of the Enterprise’ contest I hold in my head every year
Happy Anniversary, you big beautiful thing, you.
I was delighted to discover that Google saw fit to grace their homepage with a Star Trek themed doodle today. And not just any doodle – an interactive one.
Click on the rollover-highlighted elements in the frame to make your way through a mini narrative that echoes several familiar aspects of the series. I don’t want to spoil the surprise, but I’m going to anyway*: it ends with a red shirt getting fucked up. Well done, Google; the only thing that would’ve made it awesomer is if you got your Kirk character** to make out with an ostensibly female green punctuation mark.
* – out of journalistic integrity? ** – typeface pun!
There comes a point in every* blog’s life where the first sentence of each post begins with something like, “Man, so sorry it’s been so long since we’ve last posted…”
BUT NOT US.
No… this time, we’re gonna ignore that** and move right into some content. Multimedia content.
Bloggers and YouTubers ’2 Broke Geeks’ have updated their series with a 2-part video that rips our core principle right out of our hands and, well… does a much better job of what we do than we do, despite it not even being their main schtik. Did I spell that right? I’d better ask 2 Broke Geeks, since they do everything better than us.
You watched part two, right? Damn straight you did.
I feel that I’m somewhat qualified to provide commentary on the topic, being that I used to write for a blog called Star Wars Vs Star Trek. Once you strip away the cheap gimmicks like “adequate lighting”, “quality editing”, “informative content”, and “attractive, entertaining hosts”, what’s really left in this video? I’ll tell you what: the raw unadulterated truth that Star Trek outshines Star Wars in every metric that matters***. They just had the decency to spare the feelings of Team Star Wars by not declaring the obvious winner in the video itself.
So, where does this leave us? Well, for one thing, I won’t have to worry about original content for the blog for another six months or so… I can just keep posting segments of this video series with the timecode indexed slightly for each post. Intellectual property doesn’t exist in the future****.* -YES I MEAN ‘EVERY’. EVEN THE SUCCESSFUL ONES. YOUR DAY WILL COME, NERDIST. AND… GEEKOLOGIE WRITER…
** – unless you were paying attention *** – specifically, the ones in which Star Trek came out ahead **** – what are ya gonna do, huh? Sue me with your broke dollars?
Earlier today, I wrote a review of William Shatner’s The Captains on Geeky Pleasures. The following happened:
To say I SQUEE’d and wanted to die is a bit of an understatement. I’ve been an insufferable sod every since. My behaviour may even be bordering on douchenozzle territory. But it isn’t every day that someone you’ve had a huge respect and admiration for, since pretty much they day you were born, tells you something you’ve written is wonderful. Especially when that person is so famous, they couldn’t possibly keep up with every thing that is said to them or about them.
So how do you share your joy with the world when someone like William Shatner (@WilliamShatner) decides to take a few minutes out of their extremely busy day to read what you’ve written and pay you compliment, without coming off as a complete douchenozzle and asshat name-dropper?
I’m not sure that it is completely possible. Especially when you won’t shut up about it on Twitter and post about it on Google+. Especially when you grew-up in a culture that discourages such behaviour and, at the same time, navigate another culture where that sort of behavior is almost expected. I think it is expected that, or at least I expect, one person is going to think I’m a douchenozzle, instead of thinking that I am beyond grateful and gobsmacked because shit like this is not suppose to happen to someone who grow-up in small town/city Canada.
So what do you do? Well, you could do what I do and retweet said complement by adding a ‘Thank you! *dies*’ before it. Because I don’t care who you are, when you write something without any expectation that the subject of said article is going to read it, never mind comment on it, you will be excited and become obnoxiously stupid with giddy. You share with the people who have chosen to support you on other platforms, such as Google+. You apologise profusely for being insufferable but try and keep in mind how others, especially those who’d consider themselves fans and not simple admirers, would react under similar circumstances. You remind yourself that even Wil Wheaton became giddy when Bill sent him a tweet. But I think, most importantly, you never forget that you are not entitled to any sort of feedback from these people.
Yes, they are just ordinary people who just happen to have extraordinary careers. And because I view them as ordinary people, I feel like such an asshat when I get stupid with giddy about such things. I feel as if I have done the thing that annoys me about others; I feel I have placed them on some pedestal. On the other hand, these people are bombarded, on a daily basis, by others who feel entitled to some sort of acknowledgment. They are bombarded by people who write articles with the sole hope and purpose that it will get a mention or an acknowledgement. These people write articles in an effort to get ahead on the backs of other people’s talents instead of through their own hard work and dedication.
So when someone like William Shatner takes the time to respond to something I wrote, something I wrote with honesty and integrity, only because I want to share with others the things that I enjoy, I can’t help but to feel a certain sense of head nod, if you will, that why I do what I do for my own sense of self-satisfaction, has been acknowledged. I can’t help but to feel that I am succeeding based on my own talents and not because of who I may or may not know. I can’t help but to feel that others recognise that I’m not doing this for my own personal gain. And that feels fucking awesome!
I also recognise that at least one person is going to think I’m a douchenozzle for pointing out the fact that William Shatner paid me a mighty huge compliment. But that is how this business work.
So, I suppose to TL;DR version of this is, it is okay to name drop now and then. It is okay to be publicly grateful when those with bigger footprints take time out of their busy schedules, filled with people who feel entitled to such compliments, pay you a compliment. Just don’t make it a habit. Apologise in advance for anything that may come off as asshatery. Be okay with the fact that others will be happy for you, and some may even think you are cooler than you are simply because someone ridonkulously famous paid you a compliment. Learn to live with the fact it may boost your own career a bit. But don’t ever mention these things with a career boost in mind. People can see through that, and that is how you will appear to be a douchenozzle, cos guess what, you would be.
George, dude. Haven’t you been reading? An entire movie was made about your scandalous and quite possibly pathological compulsion to update fucking ruin your already-published works. There’s a post about it right below this one.
For those of you out of the loop, you’re lucky. I can’t unlearn it, so I might as well drag as many of you down with me as possible. George Lucas, in planning to re-re-re-re-rerelease the Star Wars Sextilogy on blu-ray disc, has carefully selected some of the worst overused tools from his prequel palette (namely, ‘unnecessary CGI’ and ‘Hayden Christiansen screaming NOOOOOOO!‘) and applied them carelessly to key elements of the original trilogy.
First and most egregiously, Vader will now scream his evidently-trademark NOOOOOOOO as he throws the emperor down the Death Star’s, um, energy shaft… thing… at the end of Return of the Jedi. You mean to tell me that this is closer to your ‘original vision’ that you didn’t have the technology to capture in 1983? Oh, wait, is that the sound of THAT EXCUSE NOT WORKING ANYMORE? YEAH, I THOUGHT IT WAS.
Second and also most egregiously, the wonderfully puppeted Frank Oz version of Yoda is to be replaced by the soulless digital version. Just fuck yourself, right now.
Thirdly, and only slightly less egregiously, I have some good news for all of you who were unnerved by the eternal unblinking stare of the ewoks: CGI eyelids for everybody!
What’s that? You never noticed that the ewoks don’t blink? I never did either, actually… I was just agreeing with you all in order to fit in. Come to think of it, I bet the only thing I’ll notice during subsequent watchings is how freaking creepy ewoks are gonna look as they blink their giant digital eyelids. Thanks for the nightmare fodder, Mr. Lucas.
I don’t have any better way to bring this post to a close than to just sigh heavily and reminisce about how Star Trek: The Motion Picture still preserves that unabashed seventies-ness, that honest representation of how we in our own past viewed a future from our plastic-covered couch cushions: one that was full of leotards and void of superficial enhancements. I’ll pour an especially large drink in honor of Roddenberry, who — were he still alive — would never dress his baby up in whore makeup like some sadistic pageant mother. Let the damn things grow up on their own, George.
So it looks like this is a thing.
Too bad it isn’t coming to a theatre near me.
However, it is coming to the following areas and soon:
13 May: Los Angeles – Nuart
28 May: Chicago – Siskel Film Center
17 June: Denver Film Center
24 June: Texas Comic Con
17 July: Weekend Film Series in Bermuda
Seen here looking like a transporter accident at the historical society, or like evidence that the Trek cast was into steampunk cosplay*, OR like poster art for a movie I’d probably title Trek to the Future 3 Spock to the Future 3, this is a collection of photoshopped stills of actual old-timey people being lithographed** doing actual old-timey things, but with the superimposed heads of Trek TOS*** characters.
The collection hits all the major cast members, and then because the creator felt bad leaving Star Wars untouched (but not bad enough to keep from doing it backwards and using contemporary celebrities’ faces / bodies over those of the originals), there are a few shots that juxta all over some famous poses of Han and Leia, each with parts selectively swapped out for the corresponding (read: better) parts of Marilyn Monroe, James Dean & Christopher Walken. And defying all explanation — except to say that the artist is awesome — there’s also a shot of Tom Selleck as Indiana Jones.
Come to think of it, maybe (s)he just hates looking at young Harrison Ford; lord knows I do****.
* – Somewhere, an ubergeek just had ten orgasms.
** – Shut up, I know stuff.
*** – I’m sure this is unwarranted, but I’ll never, ever get to that point where I can comfortably assume that the reader should just know what TOS, TNG, DS9, etc., mean. But you’ll figure it out.
**** – Jealousy is a vicious, vicious beast.
Hi there! I was content to keep on shirking my responsibilities as a cofounder of this site, but then our big sister had to come in and start producing more content for us… so I have no choice but to pick up and get back to posting *something* here.
And fortunately enough, I saw this amazing bit of video today, on some site called ‘Neralst’ or something:
I could suggest it’s a social experiment or a study in irony, that something Star Trek-related results in people actually getting laid, but to be honest, porn is a tool for those who *aren’t* getting laid…
…come to think of it, I have no idea why all porn is not marketed exclusively to nerds.
But I digress. Back to the subject at hand*, I used to like my porn plotless and filmed as amateurishly as possible… you know, for realism. No longer**. This looks at least as well filmed as ‘Enterprise‘, and features a more likeable cast, and WAY better opening credit music. I would watch this without fast forwarding.
I would probably not pay the same attention with Star Wars porn. I should make jokes about phallic sabers at this point, but instead I’ll just remind everyone that the Star Wars franchise encourages incest***.
Okay, that’s all for now. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my room with the lights turned off. So as to pay better attention to the story.
* – not the ONLY thing at hand, am I right?
**- Actually, WAY LONGER, wink wink.
*** – I’ve been gone a long time. Had to get one Star Wars jab in there.
Woah! Look at the size of the cobwebs in this place!
To get rid of some of the cobwebs and to infuse a little bit of life into this dark and mysterious part of the intertubes, I present to a Star Wars video. Yes, you read that correctly. I, Julia “Jules” Sherred, Star Trek fanatic extraordinaire, defender of red shirts from across the universe, She who loves a good Kunut Kalifi, is posting a Star Wars video. Why? Because it is too darn cute.
Behold! A little girl who was suppose to fight the Dark Lord and ends up bowing before her new master!